T Money's 2018 NFL Mock Draft Volume 2.5
Howdy, kids! Below is Volume 2.5 of my 2018 NFL Mock Draft.
After the Cleveland Browns and New York Jets made moves like Down South Hustlers at the start of free agency, I've anticipated further movement by a needy team as well as project landing spots for the draft's top prospects based on the information available through the past weekend.
Follow along for updates as we count down the days before the draft descends upon Jerry World (April 26-28) in Arlington, Texas.
Now scroll down, hop in (the water is quite lovely) and immerse yourself in the merriment below, while obtaining some fire insight!
1. Cleveland Browns: Sam Darnold, QB, USC
a. Started from the Bottom Now We’re Here!! After a flurry of trades to compete right away, Browns fans pray to 6lb 8oz sweet, baby Jesus that John Dorsey and Hugh Jackson can get this $50M question correct.
2. Bills (From New York Giants): Josh Rosen, QB, UCLA
a. After giving up all those picks to move up in the draft, Bills’ management better get this right or Bills Mafia will have them swimming with the Bubble Guppies!
3. New York Jets (From Indianapolis Colts): Baker Mayfield, QB, Oklahoma
a. I’d love to see Baker Mayfield walk into his introductory interview with the Jets rocking a fur coat on that Joe Namath flow! And yeah, after giving up all those picks to move up in the draft, Jets’ management better not F this up either!
4. Cleveland Browns: Bradley Chubb, DE, NC State
a. For some reason, I keep picturing Myles (Garret) and (Bradley) Chubb on a poster as the 2018 version of Tango and Cash!
5. Denver Broncos: Saquan Barkley, RB, Penn State
a. Bruh, can you imagine how “lit” Broncos fans are going to be watching Saquan Barkley break long runs while partaking in their state’s favorite past time?! Ratings will be higher than a canary’s butt cheeks!
6. Indianapolis Colts (From New York Jets): Quentin Nelson, OG, Notre Dame
a. How many games did Andrew Luck play last year?! “Allllllllllllllrighty then!”
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Denzel Ward, CB, Ohio State
a. The Bucs may be in for another year of “Hard Knocks” if their defense can’t slow down any of the high-powered offenses in the NFC South.
8. Chicago Bears: Harold Landry, OLB, Boston College
a. If Pace doesn’t nail this pick, he’ll end up being the biggest sack of Harold Landry’s young career!
9. San Francisco 49ers: Minkah Fitzpatrick, S, Alabama
a. Even after signing Richard Sherman, the 49ers have holes all over their secondary so why not draft a cat who can potentially plug every last one of them?
10. Oakland Raiders: Roquan Smith, LB, Georgia
a. With Melvin Gordon, Kareem Hunt and (possibly) Saquan Barkley in the division, Chucky and the Raiders’ D need Roquan Smith like Tyrone Biggums needs Red Balls! “It gives me WINGS!!”
11. Miami Dolphins: Da’Ron Payne, DT, Alabama
a. Suh’s time in Miami didn’t pan out…with the Dolphins or on “Ballers”…
12. New York Giants (From Buffalo Bills): Jaire Alexander, CB, Louisville
a. The Giants’ defense was second to last in pass yards and dead last in pass touchdowns. No pressure, kid…
13. Washington Redskins: Marcus Davenport, DE, UT San Antonio
a. Washington has to deal with that Philly offense AND the return of OBJ. Yeah, get your weight up on defense HTTR
14. Green Bay Packers: Mike Hughes, CB, Central Florida
a. After seeing Philly win the Super Bowl with their back up quarterback, the Pack realized they need more playmakers…PERIOD…but not the ESPN “Playmakers”…no spank you…
15. Arizona Cardinals: Josh Allen, QB, Wyoming
a. Nothing says “draft a quarterback in the first round” like the Porcelain Goddess, Sam Bradford and Mike Glennon as your only options…
16. Baltimore Ravens: Calvin Ridley, WR, Alabama
a. Ravens fans hope that Crabtree and Ridley can produce better results than Crabtree and that other Alabama WR he played with in Oakland.
17. Los Angeles Chargers: Mike McGlinchey, OT, Notre Dame
a. Phillip Rivers is going to annoy the “poop emoji” out of fans if he can talk “poop emoji” deep into the playoffs. This kid should help him get there.
18. Seattle Seahawks: Josh Jackson, CB, Iowa
a. There are a lot of parallels between the college careers of Josh Jackson and Richard Sherman. Now the Seahawks hope that correlation carries over to the league, preferably in another NFC Championship game followed by an epic rant to Erin Andrews.
19. Dallas Cowboys: Michael Gallup, WR, Colorado State
a. Word on the street is that Jerry Jones was trying to holla at all the top free agent wide receivers. You better believe he’s going to shoot his shot in the draft!
20. Detroit Lions: Maurice Hurst, DT, Michigan
a. Right now, the Lions don’t have “Ngata” at defensive tackle so they draft a Michigan native to fill the void.
21. Cincinnati Bengals: Derwin James, S, Florida State
a. The Bengals have to be tired of Antonio Brown and Le’Veon bell giving them the business twice a year! D.J. can’t resolve this delimma on his own but it can’t hurt either.
22. New York Giants: Frank Ragnow, C, Arkansas
a. The best way to eliminate the “Eli Face” is to keep those hornets from stinging him in the pocket. Gettleman just signed Nate Solder and scooping a talent like Ragnow definitely helps.
23. Los Angeles Rams: Tremaine Edmunds, LB, Virgina Tech
a. The Rams trade Alec Ogletree to the Giants and get lucky enough to have Tremaine Edmunds fall into their lap at #23. That little leprechaun, Sean McVay, has a golden horseshoe hidden somewhere on his person.
24. Carolina Panthers: Isaiah Wynn, G, Georgia
a. The Panthers haven’t had a true number one WR since Steve Smith was telling DBs to “Ice Up Son”! Well, they still don’t have one after this selection but at least they have some extra beef to keep the heat off Cam’s arse…
25. Tennessee Titans: Vita Vea, DT, Washington
a. If this massive “titan” can’t help slow down the Fournette monster, I don’t know what will!
26. Atlanta Falcons: Harrison Phillips, DT, Stanford
a. I didn’t have any Stanford guys in Volume I of my mock draft so I had to bounce back with my boy, Horrible Harry in Volume II. Peep my man’s stats; he’s the real deal and the Dirty Birds need a replacement for Bruh Man Poe from the Fifth Floor.
27. New Orleans Saints: Mike Gesicki, TE, Penn State
a. This fella’s hands are so nice! Gesicki can catch the flu on a warm summer night in the Sahara desert dressed in a dashiki.
28. Pittsburgh Steelers: Rashaan Evans, LB, Alabama
a. Ryan Shazier continues to inspire daily with his accomplishments but the Steelers need to address the huge hole in the middle of their defense ASAP!
29. Jacksonville Jaguars: Lamar Jackson, QB, Louisville
a. News Flash: Jacksonville has made some of the smartest moves this offseason. Keep waiting for the punch line because there isn’t one…
30. Minnesota Vikings: Donte Jackson, CB, LSU
a. Bruh, y’all saw that NFC Championship game! Get me some butter and blackberry preserves to spread over that TOAST!
31. New England Patriots: Arden Key, OLB, LSU
a. The Pats are hoping Arden is a “Major Key” in their defense after trading Robert Quinn to the Phins.
32. Philadelphia Eagles: D.J. Chark, WR, LSU
a. Cowboys Fans: “Alright Doug, now you’re just getting greedy on offense!” Eagles Fans: “Yes, they finally forgot about the damn horse poop!”